How Best To Bond With Baby

By Tina Rychlik

Baby bonding is a way of creating and enforcing the intense attachment between yourself and your baby which lasts a lifetime, enabling you to love and protect your child.

Our bodies are programmed to bond with our new baby sooner or later: research has shown whilst pregnant and during birth both mother and father are flooded with hormones which help bonding. Oxytocin is released during birth (the same hormone released at the point of orgasm) creating the feeling of euphoria, this hormone is also thought to be involved in the formation of trust between two people.

The first few hours are of course very important in the relationship between mother/father and baby but in no way do they determine the pattern of your future relationship. The bonding process is not timed and depends upon spending time together, building trust and getting to know your child. There is so much discussion about bonding with a new baby that parents often feel guilty if they don't feel some incredible attachment to their new baby immediately. This can be a factor in post-natal depression. There are many reasons why people may have difficulty in bonding with their babies:

• It is a sad fact that 1 in 8 babies in the UK are born prematurely or sick; this can leave parents feeling very detached and helpless. Neonatal care experts believe that physically caring for their new baby - although sometimes difficult in a hospital environment - makes parents more relaxed and confident about parenting and enables the bonding process

• Relationship worries

• Financial worries

• Death of someone close

• Difficulty breastfeeding

• Unexpected or traumatic pregnancy, difficult birth

• Crying colicky baby

• Parents who have experienced abuse or neglect in their own childhood often wonder how they can love their own baby

The most important thing is not to feel guilty about not bonding with your baby straight away. Many new parents feel an "emptiness" when first seeing or handling their newborn. Removing the pressure to bond is the first step towards building a relationship.

Fathers may feel worse especially if the baby is being exclusively breastfed. This removes a lot of opportunity for them to spend one on one time with their baby. Bathing, dressing and early morning play before leaving for work may be the only chances they get to bond with their child. After all the initial expectations fathers may have to resign to the fact that - at least for the first few months - a breastfed baby's desire is boobie and boobie alone.

Every parent with a sincere desire to bond with their child will eventually find their own unique way of doing so. The best way to get started is to listen to your natural instincts; research has shown that parents who rely on their instincts master their new found role very well: they are able to recognize their baby's signals and to respond to them. In addition to this there are many different techniques to encourage your bond with your baby:

- Relax with your baby. Try to get as much sleep as somehow possible. Forget household chores, if possible enlist help from your partner, family and friends. Being stressed out and tired certainly does not help the bonding process.

- Everyone wants to come round and see the new baby, however by limiting the number of visitors in the first few weeks this gives you the chance to relax, get in to a routine and get to know your new baby.

- When out and about carrying your baby in a sling will help you feel closer as well as keeping your hands free to get on with the shopping etc.

- Try and communicate a lot with your baby, through the eyes, skin contact, singing, talking, etc.

- Have lots of cuddles

- Play with your baby: mothers and fathers tend to specialise in different types of contact. The "mother role" is likely to involve more talking and quiet interaction; the "father role" tends to involve playfulness and "physical rough-housing".

- Write a journal of "letters" to your baby: let him know how you feel and how your feelings may change or what you think when you see him.

Tina Rychlik is the proud mother of two, and the owner of BabysBest.co.uk, an online store dedicated to the preservation of our children's health. Offering only organic and all natural baby products, you can find guidelines and advice for baby and their parents by visiting http://www.babysbest.co.uk

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